..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
