my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
