4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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