Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
