i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
