Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
