It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
