Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
