had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The air was thick with penises
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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