New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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