Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
