Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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