Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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