i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I just want to make out with him forever
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
