i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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