The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
