is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
