Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
