i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize