I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
