i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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