it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
