you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
