I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
