um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
