I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
they need to just BURY HIM!
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
