Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I think I won the penis lottery.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
