Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Of course I have a pirate flag
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
