I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
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