Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize