She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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