I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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