I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
