You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Randomize
