no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize