So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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