I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
