I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
