Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize