we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
