Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
