Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
