I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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