i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
