Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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