I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
