I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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