You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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