I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
only you would photoshop your dick
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
