I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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