Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
