Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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