Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Sober January is a disaster.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
