My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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