Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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