PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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