guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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