Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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