I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
