and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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