Princesses don't give blow jobs
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
