Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
