Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
