just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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