THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
