sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
