why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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