It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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