Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
