I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
